Reverse

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So take me back
Back to the beginning
When I was young
Running through the fields with you

This lyric above is from the song Let It Happen by United Pursuit. I’ve been listening to it a lot lately. Actually I’ve been praying these lyrics a lot lately.

You see, all this year I’ve experienced the most amazing things, I’ve lived out my childhood dreams, I’ve learned more than I thought was possible. I’m finding my own skin, I’m finding my artistic voice, and I’m finding my own opinions. Getting there has probably been the most pain I’ve ever felt.

For a long time I was fighting the Lord, and if I’m completely honest I still am but I’m slowly finding my way back to Him. It isn’t that I ever stopped loving God or that I stopped going to church honestly during this time has been the most I have ever served at a church. I feel as though I’ve been fighting to feel His presence. I know He is there and I want so badly to hear Him to be near Him, but in the process of doing that, I was also struggling with a lot of bitterness.

During the greatest adventure of my life I was struggling with mental health. I couldn’t focus on the most precious moments because somewhere in my mind I was fighting the urge to overthink or cry. You see, I’ve been blaming God for that. I’ve been blaming everything on Him even if I didn’t notice it.

When I admitted this to myself I felt a burden leave my chest.

I laid it all down at His feet again.

You see, I’m sharing this because when I was in high school I heard this phrase at church, “It’s okay, to not be okay.” I never believed that even if I said I did. I’m constantly trying to not show how weak I feel but instead I’m showing fake happiness, I’ve been faking having it together in my Relationship with God and I want you to know that IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY.

But it isn’t okay to stay there.

This song Let It Happen has been my prayer for myself lately. As I struggle to figure a way out of this rut I’m in, I find myself wanting to Reverse. To go back to that Child - Like faith I’ve had my whole life. I want to experience God for the Joy that He is, I want to go back to the beginning.

I’ve been praying these lyrics in my devotions everyday and I just want to share a little of what they mean to me.

You’re full of life now
And full of passion
That’s how he made you
Just let it happen
And he calls each one of us
By our names to come away
And he whispers to your heart
To let it go and to be alive
Be alive
So take me back
Back to the beginning
When I was young
Running through the fields with you

He created us to be full of His Joy, this life that He created in you is supposed to be lived with passion, joy, even in the hardships. I want God to take me back to the beginning, to revive me. I am willing to fight for it, to seek Him, and to Love him.
So take me back
Back to the beginning
When I was young
Running through the fields with you

Lily Scott